夢と現実の間
Between dreams and reality
負ける気がしねぇ！！
Tracy desu yo, pessimist and world’s worst procrastinator. Uni student with still a lot of things to learn. Interests include otome games, Naruto and Japanese.
 : Loves pink, food, ice-cream.
Summer is my eternal love.
Waiting for:
chitchat:
recent update :
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written on Saturday, May 22, 2021 @ 2:19 PM ✈
Hello it's been quite some time, I miss the days I used to spend here
written on Friday, April 27, 2018 @ 12:07 AM ✈
Oops I haven't posted in more than a year. Also haven't posted anything about Japan. I just avoid coming here thanks to all the stupid photobucket bs ruining my blogger layout.
Just stopped by to say yes, I acknowledge the quality of suits dropped as seasons gone by but season 7 finale, just like every finale got me right in the feels.
it's been a week (well a little bit more)
written on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 @ 10:59 PM ✈
Just some random thoughts and things that happened during my one week (actually 10 days) in Japan. Sort of in order but not necessarily. Sorry if it's long.
(All conversations that took place were in Japanese, unless specified or unless I was talking to a fellow jet)
- Can't believe it's been a week. We went through so much physically and emotionally that it feels like even more time has passed
- Although I love summer to death, summer in Australia is dry heat. Here, it's at least 32°C every day already from 7am which doesn't sound like much (that's the low end of Australian summer), but the humidity really gets you. Still, having come from Winter which I hate, I feel okay but I will admit I am 2% struggling (mostly due to having to wear business attire). But if I'm 2% struggling I'm most certain the rest of my Australian friends would die.
- As a further point to the above, all my friends and coworkers constantly complain about how hot it is (because it is) but I can only smile politely back but not agree because it's still better than winter lol (but seriously, the summer is really hot and words aren't enough, you need to come and try)
- Freaking wearing business heels and dying. Although I fared well in the beginning, after a week I had completely scraped the back of my heels such that the skin was raw and red, and layers of skin were missing such that I had an actual "dip" into my skin
- As a science student, I hate business attire (but everyone looks so good)
- The fact that there are so many US jets (which of course was anticipated) such that if you sat next to someone you didn't know in a lecture, it's probably 80% chance they are an American
- Me talking to Americans which I understand have a long flight, but they go "oh Australia isn't that far is it. It's a what, 4-5 hour flight?" And I'm like lololol you misunderstand how far we are from everyone, it's still 9.5 hours (then they are shocked)
- Having the overnight flight on Saturday, and getting to airport at 6am and hotel around 8am and couldn't check in since that's at 2pm. Wandered Shinjuku (aye!) but couldn't do too much since things don't open til at least 10am lol. Ended up walking 23,000 steps and 17km that day
- Orientation on the Monday and Tuesday. Story of my life is sleeping late, waking up at 6:30 to prepare and get breakfast, then lectures 9 to 5 both days. Not much time to explore at night. Shinjuku was fun, but there wasn't any real time to explore and enjoy
- Even though it was only 2 days, I made some really good Sydney and American friends (because you know, you hang out with Sydney people from flight, your roommates etc. due to how organisation works). I got super depressed Tuesday afternoon as the realisation hit me I'd basically never see them again afterwards, as most of them are based in Fukushima prefecture (more east than Tokyo) while I'm in the complete west at Okayama (look up to truly understand the distance difference)
- And since I spent so much time with them when I met my fellow Okayama jets I felt really disconnected and wasn't sure how it'll turn out (because usually those close to you will become your good friends, due to it being hard to see people far away frequently)
- Certain lectures being super boring because people are dumb and ask things like "can we read manga at our desk?" -- > Umm how about you think about it??
- Being depressed about having to wake up at 5 to pack, eat and get on a bus to go to the airport at 7am
Heading to, and living in Okayama
- Thinking it would take ages (weeks) to set up my wifi and phone plan but thankfully it didn't
- Being so busy and tired it took a whole week to unpack properly
- Being poor from the get go because I spent money buying big things you slowly use over time (eg. rice, soy sauce, etc) and also some furniture, just for the sake of making my life more comfortable (eg. chair, table -- I did already have one but I wanted more surfaces available to use)
- Successfully setting up my own wifi after spending ages reading the convoluted and hard to understand Japanese menu (supervisor was gonna help me the next day but I wanted it sooner lol)
- Meeting my Board of Education (BOE here on out) and I thank my friend Shirley for having showed me the SkyCycle because people at BOE asked me what was something I wanted to do when I heard I got placed in Okayama. It was the first thing that came to mind and I answered truthfully and the BOE spent a GOOD HOUR laughing and saying things like:
"Tracy-sensei must be brave"
"I would never want to do that"
"You must really not fear dying"
"That thing makes so many sounds it makes you wonder"
"It's been there for so long, when you ride it, it makes you wonder when exactly it's going to break"
and more...lol
- Seriously the story of my life. Everyone (non-jet) who meets me and after I introduce myself (or someone introduces me) they go "I thought she was a Japanese person!!!" Seriously like everyone. BOE people, elementary kids, now even my fellow Okayama jet friends (who are also Asian mind you, says yeah you look Japanese!!)
- BOE asked me about things I liked, I mentioned ice-cream and then they went to the fridge and got me some!! They did this on both days I was there. I felt so bad since it was just me eating it. And they gave me a choice between azuki (red bean) and a vanilla chou cream ice cream and I chose azuki and they were surprised, saying "how unexpected, lots of people don't like beans." Umm, do they really not see my Asian face??
- BOE saying I "look" Japanese because my hair is so black. I confess it's cause it's dyed black to cover my pink and purple streak and they said "oh what a shame, you should've kept it." Ugh and everyone (and common sense cause conservative Japan) told me not to!!! Now my jet friends say to get it back but ceebs... also just cause BOE says yes doesn't mean my schools will take to it as well
- Not knowing much about my situation and where I go to work, feeling like I got thrown into the deep end whereas all my friends get told great details and are basically hand held by their supervisors...lol
- When I deny that I'm not Japanese, and then everyone goes on to ask if my parents are Japanese?? Like do we know how genetics works or..
- Embarrassingly not knowing how to ride a bike. The BOE bought me one for convenience and said I could ride it home but I hesitated (haven't ridden since primary school) so they asked if I wanted to walk instead (yes). I said I'd practice later but
- I live in super inaka. The roads are narrow, and there are basically no foot paths. If a car is also coming from the other direction, you are screwed and need to pull over to make way. So riding is gonna be dangerous for a noob like me
- Knowing the rubbish system was going to be hard but not expecting to struggle THIS MUCH. Literally asking everyone (BOE and jets) how rubbish works because it's not bad enough that in general, Japan sticks the red sticker of shame if you didn't sort your rubbish properly (they won't sort your trash for you, if you screw up they will not collect it and leave it) but in my town you HAVE TO write your name on your trash bag otherwise they won't take it. Oh you screwed up and it's left behind? We now all know it's you cause your name IS ON IT!
- Also recycling is once a month and isn't left outside your apartment, but at a special recycling centre which you have to go to, just to recycle. Newspapers, cartons (washed), etc must be flattened and tied a specific way with string :(
- At this rate I might have to dump certain small pieces of trash at the station bin just so I don't get things wrong
- So inaka, that I only get two trains an hour. You think it's one per half hour? WRONG! It's 07 and 22, and if you miss the 22, you gotta wait til 07 of the next hour!
- Being so inaka that lived here only 3 days, went out to Okayama city on Saturday with jet friends and being so mesmerised by the level of activity, noise and amount of people. Already acting like a country bumpkin according to my friends :(
- Taking two days to stick up a shower shelf because 1. instructions were in Japanese and 2. even though I got it right it wouldn't stick properly. Says it can hold 3kg? I do not trust in the least
- YOU DON'T HAVE LINE??? -- > Everyone to me during Tokyo Orientation. Of course I know LINE is the main messenger in Japan, it's just in Australia I only use fb messenger and wechat (ugh family) and not line because no one was on it
- That feel when EVERYONE knows more Japanese than you. By no means do I think I know a lot nor am I fluent. But both times I'd previously been to Japan I was the main guide/translator. Now story of my life is everyone else has friends in Japan, has done exchange in Japan (I couldn't do that, course didn't allow it) and everyone else speaks fluently with no pauses, and speaks correctly grammar wise (to my knowledge)
- which makes me super embarrassed when people at my BOE or school say I have good Japanese (I don't, and they should meet my friends instead)
- That Saturday I walked home late (around 10pm) from the station and a guy in a car randomly stopped me to ask for directions (later my friends: "see told you you look Japanese!"). But then he also asked where I lived :( Not sure if nice or creepy. He even did a loop around the block and found me again and stopped again to ask :(
- Wanting the freedom to wear shorts on the weekends (cause it's hot, and it's fine to do so in Australia) but sigh, conservative japan. And also according to my friend I got checked out a lot that day in the city sigh (which I didn't notice at all)
すごく悩んでいる
written on Tuesday, July 11, 2017 @ 10:11 PM ✈
I have a clear idea of what is wrong and what is right.
But what's the point in knowing what's wrong and whats right when you don't even have the strength to stand up for what's right? I hate that part of me the most, that I'm just stupidly weak and a good for nothing.
I watched as my sister calmly refuted every scathing comment and retarded argument thrown her way and just knew I wouldn't have been able to do the same.
And on a separate note, why did I apologise to the offending party?? DO I HAVE NO BACKBONE??
I'm pissed off at people who don't actually own the animal (no, it's not your pet) properly. Don't even register it, or microchip it and don't even feed it properly or keep it in the house. All they want is to say it's "theirs" just so their children have a plaything that they can conveniently only SOMETIMES feed and look after. How is that right.
I hate people.
just another day at the pharmacy
written on Saturday, July 8, 2017 @ 9:03 PM ✈
The other day I went to the pharmacy to pick up new epipens (which by the way, cost so damn much and is it really fair I have to pay for my allergies?). Anyways this is the exchange that went down:
Pharmacist: *hands me my epipens* So have you used these before?
Me: *figures he means do I know how to use them* I've never used them before but if you mean do I know how then yeah.
Pharmacist: *looks at head(?) pharmacist* Does that answer your question? (the other guy nods)
Me: I mean I hope I never have to actually USE it, if you know what I mean
*The other two pharmacists laugh*
Pharmacist: Yeah I get what you mean.
Sad life.
I don't even understand
written on Thursday, June 22, 2017 @ 9:26 PM ✈
What I really don't get is when people get kit kats and they can supposedly taste flavours which aren't there? Of course maybe they are being influenced by the picture but I can assure you the flavour isn't there (and sometimes I'm like, where did they pull that flavour from?)
It's just cheesecake flavour. The label nor the picture mentions lemon.
On the left, they said it's a creme brulee kit kat when the packaging is the exact same as the picture on the top. It's just PLAIN cheesecake, not creme brulee. On the right they hashtag matcha (which is correct) AND veggie kit kat? How is this a vegetable kit kat.
written on Monday, June 19, 2017 @ 11:43 PM ✈
Still haven't been feeling all that well lately. Still plenty of people that just can't be relied upon. But yesterday really helped me to remember that not everyone is like that. I'm so grateful to the friends that came, and I'm so undeserving of the wonderful gift they got me.
Also, even though I'm the host and should have everything under control (which I do, but it just takes me longer to get stuff done), I'm so grateful to two people in particular, who were always by my side helping me with so much, and without being asked at all. They really didn't need to, because they were the guests after all but I'm so grateful beyond words that I have such caring and wonderful friends like that who come along and "save" me.
And also for asking me if I was okay (not about the party, because they knew some bad things happened before) and if I wasn't, that they'd go really mess up the person that screwed me over. Although I don't need them to do that for me, I felt so grateful to hear those words because it reminded me that at least some people really do look out for me.
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written on Saturday, May 22, 2021 @ 2:19 PM ✈
Hello it's been quite some time, I miss the days I used to spend here
written on Friday, April 27, 2018 @ 12:07 AM ✈
Oops I haven't posted in more than a year. Also haven't posted anything about Japan. I just avoid coming here thanks to all the stupid photobucket bs ruining my blogger layout.
Just stopped by to say yes, I acknowledge the quality of suits dropped as seasons gone by but season 7 finale, just like every finale got me right in the feels.
it's been a week (well a little bit more)
written on Tuesday, August 1, 2017 @ 10:59 PM ✈
Just some random thoughts and things that happened during my one week (actually 10 days) in Japan. Sort of in order but not necessarily. Sorry if it's long.
(All conversations that took place were in Japanese, unless specified or unless I was talking to a fellow jet)
- Can't believe it's been a week. We went through so much physically and emotionally that it feels like even more time has passed
- Although I love summer to death, summer in Australia is dry heat. Here, it's at least 32°C every day already from 7am which doesn't sound like much (that's the low end of Australian summer), but the humidity really gets you. Still, having come from Winter which I hate, I feel okay but I will admit I am 2% struggling (mostly due to having to wear business attire). But if I'm 2% struggling I'm most certain the rest of my Australian friends would die.
- As a further point to the above, all my friends and coworkers constantly complain about how hot it is (because it is) but I can only smile politely back but not agree because it's still better than winter lol (but seriously, the summer is really hot and words aren't enough, you need to come and try)
- Freaking wearing business heels and dying. Although I fared well in the beginning, after a week I had completely scraped the back of my heels such that the skin was raw and red, and layers of skin were missing such that I had an actual "dip" into my skin
- As a science student, I hate business attire (but everyone looks so good)
- The fact that there are so many US jets (which of course was anticipated) such that if you sat next to someone you didn't know in a lecture, it's probably 80% chance they are an American
- Me talking to Americans which I understand have a long flight, but they go "oh Australia isn't that far is it. It's a what, 4-5 hour flight?" And I'm like lololol you misunderstand how far we are from everyone, it's still 9.5 hours (then they are shocked)
- Having the overnight flight on Saturday, and getting to airport at 6am and hotel around 8am and couldn't check in since that's at 2pm. Wandered Shinjuku (aye!) but couldn't do too much since things don't open til at least 10am lol. Ended up walking 23,000 steps and 17km that day
- Orientation on the Monday and Tuesday. Story of my life is sleeping late, waking up at 6:30 to prepare and get breakfast, then lectures 9 to 5 both days. Not much time to explore at night. Shinjuku was fun, but there wasn't any real time to explore and enjoy
- Even though it was only 2 days, I made some really good Sydney and American friends (because you know, you hang out with Sydney people from flight, your roommates etc. due to how organisation works). I got super depressed Tuesday afternoon as the realisation hit me I'd basically never see them again afterwards, as most of them are based in Fukushima prefecture (more east than Tokyo) while I'm in the complete west at Okayama (look up to truly understand the distance difference)
- And since I spent so much time with them when I met my fellow Okayama jets I felt really disconnected and wasn't sure how it'll turn out (because usually those close to you will become your good friends, due to it being hard to see people far away frequently)
- Certain lectures being super boring because people are dumb and ask things like "can we read manga at our desk?" -- > Umm how about you think about it??
- Being depressed about having to wake up at 5 to pack, eat and get on a bus to go to the airport at 7am
Heading to, and living in Okayama
- Thinking it would take ages (weeks) to set up my wifi and phone plan but thankfully it didn't
- Being so busy and tired it took a whole week to unpack properly
- Being poor from the get go because I spent money buying big things you slowly use over time (eg. rice, soy sauce, etc) and also some furniture, just for the sake of making my life more comfortable (eg. chair, table -- I did already have one but I wanted more surfaces available to use)
- Successfully setting up my own wifi after spending ages reading the convoluted and hard to understand Japanese menu (supervisor was gonna help me the next day but I wanted it sooner lol)
- Meeting my Board of Education (BOE here on out) and I thank my friend Shirley for having showed me the SkyCycle because people at BOE asked me what was something I wanted to do when I heard I got placed in Okayama. It was the first thing that came to mind and I answered truthfully and the BOE spent a GOOD HOUR laughing and saying things like:
"Tracy-sensei must be brave"
"I would never want to do that"
"You must really not fear dying"
"That thing makes so many sounds it makes you wonder"
"It's been there for so long, when you ride it, it makes you wonder when exactly it's going to break"
and more...lol
- Seriously the story of my life. Everyone (non-jet) who meets me and after I introduce myself (or someone introduces me) they go "I thought she was a Japanese person!!!" Seriously like everyone. BOE people, elementary kids, now even my fellow Okayama jet friends (who are also Asian mind you, says yeah you look Japanese!!)
- BOE asked me about things I liked, I mentioned ice-cream and then they went to the fridge and got me some!! They did this on both days I was there. I felt so bad since it was just me eating it. And they gave me a choice between azuki (red bean) and a vanilla chou cream ice cream and I chose azuki and they were surprised, saying "how unexpected, lots of people don't like beans." Umm, do they really not see my Asian face??
- BOE saying I "look" Japanese because my hair is so black. I confess it's cause it's dyed black to cover my pink and purple streak and they said "oh what a shame, you should've kept it." Ugh and everyone (and common sense cause conservative Japan) told me not to!!! Now my jet friends say to get it back but ceebs... also just cause BOE says yes doesn't mean my schools will take to it as well
- Not knowing much about my situation and where I go to work, feeling like I got thrown into the deep end whereas all my friends get told great details and are basically hand held by their supervisors...lol
- When I deny that I'm not Japanese, and then everyone goes on to ask if my parents are Japanese?? Like do we know how genetics works or..
- Embarrassingly not knowing how to ride a bike. The BOE bought me one for convenience and said I could ride it home but I hesitated (haven't ridden since primary school) so they asked if I wanted to walk instead (yes). I said I'd practice later but
- I live in super inaka. The roads are narrow, and there are basically no foot paths. If a car is also coming from the other direction, you are screwed and need to pull over to make way. So riding is gonna be dangerous for a noob like me
- Knowing the rubbish system was going to be hard but not expecting to struggle THIS MUCH. Literally asking everyone (BOE and jets) how rubbish works because it's not bad enough that in general, Japan sticks the red sticker of shame if you didn't sort your rubbish properly (they won't sort your trash for you, if you screw up they will not collect it and leave it) but in my town you HAVE TO write your name on your trash bag otherwise they won't take it. Oh you screwed up and it's left behind? We now all know it's you cause your name IS ON IT!
- Also recycling is once a month and isn't left outside your apartment, but at a special recycling centre which you have to go to, just to recycle. Newspapers, cartons (washed), etc must be flattened and tied a specific way with string :(
- At this rate I might have to dump certain small pieces of trash at the station bin just so I don't get things wrong
- So inaka, that I only get two trains an hour. You think it's one per half hour? WRONG! It's 07 and 22, and if you miss the 22, you gotta wait til 07 of the next hour!
- Being so inaka that lived here only 3 days, went out to Okayama city on Saturday with jet friends and being so mesmerised by the level of activity, noise and amount of people. Already acting like a country bumpkin according to my friends :(
- Taking two days to stick up a shower shelf because 1. instructions were in Japanese and 2. even though I got it right it wouldn't stick properly. Says it can hold 3kg? I do not trust in the least
- YOU DON'T HAVE LINE??? -- > Everyone to me during Tokyo Orientation. Of course I know LINE is the main messenger in Japan, it's just in Australia I only use fb messenger and wechat (ugh family) and not line because no one was on it
- That feel when EVERYONE knows more Japanese than you. By no means do I think I know a lot nor am I fluent. But both times I'd previously been to Japan I was the main guide/translator. Now story of my life is everyone else has friends in Japan, has done exchange in Japan (I couldn't do that, course didn't allow it) and everyone else speaks fluently with no pauses, and speaks correctly grammar wise (to my knowledge)
- which makes me super embarrassed when people at my BOE or school say I have good Japanese (I don't, and they should meet my friends instead)
- That Saturday I walked home late (around 10pm) from the station and a guy in a car randomly stopped me to ask for directions (later my friends: "see told you you look Japanese!"). But then he also asked where I lived :( Not sure if nice or creepy. He even did a loop around the block and found me again and stopped again to ask :(
- Wanting the freedom to wear shorts on the weekends (cause it's hot, and it's fine to do so in Australia) but sigh, conservative japan. And also according to my friend I got checked out a lot that day in the city sigh (which I didn't notice at all)
すごく悩んでいる
written on Tuesday, July 11, 2017 @ 10:11 PM ✈
I have a clear idea of what is wrong and what is right.
But what's the point in knowing what's wrong and whats right when you don't even have the strength to stand up for what's right? I hate that part of me the most, that I'm just stupidly weak and a good for nothing.
I watched as my sister calmly refuted every scathing comment and retarded argument thrown her way and just knew I wouldn't have been able to do the same.
And on a separate note, why did I apologise to the offending party?? DO I HAVE NO BACKBONE??
I'm pissed off at people who don't actually own the animal (no, it's not your pet) properly. Don't even register it, or microchip it and don't even feed it properly or keep it in the house. All they want is to say it's "theirs" just so their children have a plaything that they can conveniently only SOMETIMES feed and look after. How is that right.
I hate people.
just another day at the pharmacy
written on Saturday, July 8, 2017 @ 9:03 PM ✈
The other day I went to the pharmacy to pick up new epipens (which by the way, cost so damn much and is it really fair I have to pay for my allergies?). Anyways this is the exchange that went down:
Pharmacist: *hands me my epipens* So have you used these before?
Me: *figures he means do I know how to use them* I've never used them before but if you mean do I know how then yeah.
Pharmacist: *looks at head(?) pharmacist* Does that answer your question? (the other guy nods)
Me: I mean I hope I never have to actually USE it, if you know what I mean
*The other two pharmacists laugh*
Pharmacist: Yeah I get what you mean.
Sad life.
I don't even understand
written on Thursday, June 22, 2017 @ 9:26 PM ✈
What I really don't get is when people get kit kats and they can supposedly taste flavours which aren't there? Of course maybe they are being influenced by the picture but I can assure you the flavour isn't there (and sometimes I'm like, where did they pull that flavour from?)
It's just cheesecake flavour. The label nor the picture mentions lemon.
On the left, they said it's a creme brulee kit kat when the packaging is the exact same as the picture on the top. It's just PLAIN cheesecake, not creme brulee. On the right they hashtag matcha (which is correct) AND veggie kit kat? How is this a vegetable kit kat.
written on Monday, June 19, 2017 @ 11:43 PM ✈
Still haven't been feeling all that well lately. Still plenty of people that just can't be relied upon. But yesterday really helped me to remember that not everyone is like that. I'm so grateful to the friends that came, and I'm so undeserving of the wonderful gift they got me.
Also, even though I'm the host and should have everything under control (which I do, but it just takes me longer to get stuff done), I'm so grateful to two people in particular, who were always by my side helping me with so much, and without being asked at all. They really didn't need to, because they were the guests after all but I'm so grateful beyond words that I have such caring and wonderful friends like that who come along and "save" me.
And also for asking me if I was okay (not about the party, because they knew some bad things happened before) and if I wasn't, that they'd go really mess up the person that screwed me over. Although I don't need them to do that for me, I felt so grateful to hear those words because it reminded me that at least some people really do look out for me.
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Japan and Korea 2015 Masterlist
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Summer TO-DO List
((to be updated as I think of more things while I procrastinate))
✮ Foster kittens
✮ Clean out closet
✮ Make LOTS of ice-cream
✮ Bake + Cook (and use the molds and kits I bought from Japan)
✮ Study Japanese (JLPT N2 level)
✮ Learn basic Korean sentence structures
✮ Play Dousei Kareshi (~50 hours right there, what with my slow Japanese reading speed)
✮ Finishing playing Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution
✮ Buy Naruto -The Last- Movie DVD and then rewatch it
✮ Start applying for things……..
✮ Invite people over to drink the endless amounts of tea I have
✮ Make things with the alcohol and liquor stash I have (lol)
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my sunshine
links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first
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