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夢と現実の間
Between dreams and reality

負ける気がしねぇ！！

Tracy desu yo, pessimist and world’s worst procrastinator. Uni student with still a lot of things to learn. Interests include otome games, Naruto and Japanese.

: Loves pink, food, ice-cream.

Summer is my eternal love.



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recent update :
これが
written on Monday, November 10, 2014 @ 1:16 AM ✈

So here we are again, my exams begin today (it's 1am right now so yeah). This semester was quite messed up, only doing 4 subjects (normal) and yet 5 exams both in midsems and in finals. Great. I always like semester 1 because I have more energy and there's stats to break up the science but I realise this time that semester 1 was nicer because we didn't have midsems for stats or gene, only cell bio (bleh) and structure and function. Another reason why I liked semester 1 better.

 Anyway, ever since a few weeks before this semester ended (perhaps after midsem break?) I've been getting an average of 3-5 hours of sleep a day. I sleep really late because I'm just getting really restless sleep and also getting stupid dreams that just distress me. I just long for the days where I didn't have dreams again. Even on my short train naps I can't sleep peacefully because my mind is cruel and it plays tricks on me and I see things that I try so hard not to think about it.

 Right now I acknowledge that I'm taking very good care of myself. It's not just the lack of sleep, I'm also eating poorly (not eating much or when I can eat, it happens to be junk) and I'm also getting my beloved rashes again. Even though I admit my body is probably in crisis mode, my mind right now seems to say "So what?" I don't know, I don't feel very well on the inside. Even though I know I should do something about this it seems like my mind doesn't even want to care right now. I just feel like there's too much other stuff bringing me down right now.

 And what's even weirder is normally I guess I'd be pretty freaked out by exams. Every exam period I think about the previous time I did exams and I always feel like I did a lot of work - spent ages doing notes, spent ages studying them etc. This time I feel like I've already given up. It's really bad, I'm so "meh" about everything. I can honestly see my marks going down but my mind doesn't seem to be working properly to care and to fix it. 

 Take the midsems for example. Conservation midsem was okay since it was the first one and made the most sense to me because it was logic and less retarded memorisation so I got 91%. Agec was one of the last exams and I thought I'd do badly but surprisingly I got 25/30 (it's not a raw mark, she just condensed it as it was worth 30%) which I was pretty happy with given how much I studied and most people got less than me. However you can tell my exams were a complete hit or miss because for both IVP and ANSC (structure and function) I got around 60%. Yep. Though to be fair we did poorly as a grade but still. 60%. 

 But here I am going "60%, okay." It doesn't make me study any harder. I honestly think I've lost my mind because I feel like I've lost my normal attitude towards everything.

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