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夢と現実の間
Between dreams and reality

負ける気がしねぇ！！

Tracy desu yo, pessimist and world’s worst procrastinator. Uni student with still a lot of things to learn. Interests include otome games, Naruto and Japanese.

: Loves pink, food, ice-cream.

Summer is my eternal love.



Waiting for:


chitchat:



recent update :
danger
written on Sunday, November 23, 2014 @ 1:03 AM ✈

"I’m warning you now, stop confusing me
Are you joking? What am I to you?
Am I easy to you? Are you playing with me?
You’re in danger right now, why are you testing me?
Why are you testing me? Stop confusing me

Why are you doing this? Why are you making me into a fool?
It hurts so much because of you
You're so bad to me
I rip out my hair hundreds of times because of you
But you don’t care, you think it’s fine and you kick me around"

Just what did I do that was so wrong? Always, always, always I followed your rules. You told me I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that, couldn't say this, couldn't say that. I didn't have a choice but to follow it. You always say that I'm lacking, and that I need to change x, y and z about myself. You say you hate this or that about me. You tell me off for "judging", for disagreeing with you about things but yet you're always allowed to judge my actions. In the end I can't even say anything anymore, in order to stay on that thin tightrope you built me.

I do everything you tell me to and more, but if I make even one mistake I don't even have to take a breath before someone is there to point it out. Then there's everyone else around me, who can push everything to the limit and do all the wrong things but they always get endless concessions and an "it's alright" and I get punished for so much less. You tell me lie after lie, always creating false hope. It doesn't even matter if I pull you up on it because you just say "so?" like it doesn't even matter.

What was the point in living like this? All this time I tried to live the "right" way, following the rules and never rebelling, just like how you wanted but it never got me anywhere. It gets tiring you know, having to always think "it's okay, I'm okay" only to wake up and think "ah, I'm here again today." Only living and doing the things you wanted me to do, lately I've just lost it. I became something I didn't even want to become. Always frustrated at my inability, always feeling angry, always feeling despair. Is this the real me? Why did I become like this?

You always get defensive and say "you don't even understand me" but when did I ever claim I did? I don't even know who I am right now but you're the one who's always saying "yeah because I know you." Is that why you can always mess me around so bad? Does doing all this really satisfy you? I just feel so sick on the inside all the time.

Thank god I have placement for the next few weeks, right now I just don't know anymore. I continue to hope that tomorrow is just a better day.

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